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Agatha Trunchbull: It's going to be brilliant! 3. Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky! MATILDA Matilda Wormwood is an exception . My mummy says I'm a miracle, And if it's not right, [suspicious] A purple spotlight starts to make its way from Bruce across the classroom. Do you have a job? Merriam-Webster defines a "pick-up line" as "a prepared remark used by a person to start a conversation with a stranger they are interested in having a romantic relationship with". Haven't I just told you that she is a gangster? Come on, Bruce, be our hero. google_ad_width=120; Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the Standing outside the principal's office like a little girl. The world's greatest acrobat! MRS PHELPS With her, it's all "books" and "stories". A denizen of the underworld! Nothing will change. My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children at all. Like Romeo and Juliet, If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Flipping, filthy, nasty, stupid Russians! CHILDREN 2 I sold it for $1,158. Agatha Trunchbull: People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love. MRS WORMWOOD walks back behind the curtain. 'Cause you've gotta highlight what you got. MR WORMWOOD Over a drink. ], MISS HONEY Jenny: . It's just that they want that child so very much. Matilda: LAVENDER MATILDA Trunchbull: As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? An audience cheers. You Oh, it will only take a moment. I'm fed up with all this reading! Matilda: He's eaten it all. Can I ask you a question? . MISS HONEY hurries to pull the cap from NIGEL's mouth. It was the worst of times. Michael: And I'm very sorry . Pokemon Pick Up Lines. . BIG KID [BEN] Matilda Wormwood: I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. A little less zzz, a lot more zing. [off to the side] Harry Wormwood: [looks at Miss Honey and warning the children they were watching us] MR WORMWOOD MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN What are you looking at? Is a miracle! You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. Piacelli. With powers, the carrot flies into his mouth. CHILDREN Oh no, Headmistress. Now, that is how you do it! Oops! A poem? Harry Wormwood: Narrator: PICK UP LINES! The end is happier. Well, I needed to learn to read words so that I could read sentences. The reason the mileage is so high is a manufacturing mistake.". Well, this crime took place before school started. An extraordinary girl with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination takes a daring stand to change her story with miraculous results. Nobody but me is gonna change my story. What about the Russians? Don't be disgusting! Whatever you do, just don't give in. His fingie. Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen. Just you wait for phys-ed! A book? WOMAN: Well, take another! You gotta be loud! Yep! . The less you have to sell, the harder you sell it. You useless, used-car-salesman scum! And it isn't wide enough to sit. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. Yourself, Matilda? MRS WORMWOOD 13. Bruce Bogtrotter: MATILDA collects two dolls from the house. Brand new stock, sir! When she was just two years old, her mother died. That kids like me should be against the law. BIG KID [TAMIKA] Miss Honey: And today is a very special day: your first day of school! 2. google_color_border="EDC7C2"; What is this, a hot tub party? I want you around here now with another car! Not a jot! I always compete, doctor. Am I . Are you being smart with me? Listen to this: "It was the best of times. Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! . . I'm great! FBI Agent Bill: [He finally gives up and straightens up casually.] Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair? I have a nice house, a wonderful husband and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. I've got my deal today with the Russians. MRS PHELPS retreats to the smaller block and sits down. You? I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. Smile for mother! This little girl needs somebody strong to fight by her side. What about rules, Honey? "It is called," said the husband, announcing the event to the world's press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath [The voice of the ESCAPOLOGIST echoes her words.] MISS HONEY And . I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town. [on the phone, yells] My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie-hole. It occurred to her that such talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb such people might *only* exist in story books. Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! Are you smoking a cigarette? Apply just one simple rule Indeed, sir. Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty! Fourteen times two is twenty-eight. This one was mine. I think we'd better leave it there, Nigel. Look at that! Miss Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. NIGEL But I didn't do anything. Above average is average. All I can say is, thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man's brains, eh, son? Yeah, it was, er [He gestures to the lackey.] [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] What do you want a book for? We all get carried away sometimes. Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten. A little less brains, a lot more hair. Do you need a sin for your next confession? He'd call me bumblebee. BOTH: What a dear! MATILDA stares up at her for several long seconds. We're rehearsing. green! We have everything . Well, I'll pay you back, young lady. One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days. Corny, sweet, and funny all in one. Good hair means a good brain. I got carried away. You just need to keep your feet inside the line. Miss Honey: . Prettier barrelina! Is like the TARDIS: The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. You have to force the little squits to toe the line! Oh, my lovely hair! MR WORMWOOD enters with a lackey, who sits on a tyre behind him. MISS TRUNCHBULL You're a disgusting criminal, aren't you? Mr Wormwood! You gotta get up and be loud! What's this? Yourself, Matilda? Please, stand, and do as much as you can. I didn't do it. To read? You could have heard a fly burp. MISS TRUNCHBULL When the sun comes up, And I will watch cartoons until my eyes go square - CHILDREN - And I won't care 'Cause I'll be all grown up. MATILDA Quick, jackets! It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine. Matilda's been here all morning. MR WORMWOODOh, my good Lord. Yes, Miss Trunchbull. [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] This is the worst day of my life! The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. Have to admit Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. Now, get off to bed, you little bookworm. We've curated this list of inspiring 'Matilda' quotes from the book and the movie. I've got a plane to catch at three. Loud, loud, loud, loud! . [They start chattering. Harry Wormwood: Your hair! And I've told her all about you and your smarty-pants ideas. You're not a little girl. Dirty dealings, like buying stolen car parts, never stay secret for long, especially when the FBI gets involved. What's the matter, Bogtrotter? This is the cottage from your story. It's the Trunchbull's speciality. So, what is it? Let's leave maths for the time being . I think you've got something in your eye. I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders! His do-dah. Might she be a little brighter than her class? Right. Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. RUDOLPHO Most parents believe their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. . Harry Wormwood: LAVENDER puts the wooden spoon back in his hand. My, my, that is good. Oh, Matilda! Do you think I faltered or amended my rotation? [interrupting] Please. A fool? Past Matilda. Miss Honey: MATILDA . "So I hear you are the Head Girl of your house". ALL GIRLS Mr. Wormwood: I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox. Jenny: He flails around the stage.] There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . MRS PHELPS is sitting on a block and MATILDA is standing on one, holding the two dolls. Oh, yeah. See, I know your headmistress. And I will Teach you a thing or two. You gotta be loud! MRS PHELPS Oh NIGEL MR WORMWOOD paces the stage. Agatha Trunchbull: . MISS HONEY I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids! Oil of Violets hair tonic. DOCTOR . NIGEL, TOMMY . Agatha Trunchbull: . [She murmurs along to the music.] % . You're a little cheat, you saw the paper. With a little help from us, she could go to university before she . Before I first heard the Pealing of the bell. [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] That's all right, Jenny. Matilda: google_ad_height=90; You are guilty, because you are a fiend. In . A weakling? Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. MATILDA MATILDA The Invisible Man . Maybe. Tricks!" Oh, it's nothing like that. BIG KID [BEN] The 3rd cost $68. So give me more cake! Quite the contrary. MR WORMWOOD MRS PHELPS exits as a siren wails and the scene changes to Crunchem Hall Academy. You're heading for the chokey, young lady! MATILDA stands at the front of the stage as her classmates walk in and the desks rise from the ground. They line up at the back of the stage. "I have paid for the posters, publicity, the catering, the toilet facilities. 'Pfffft,' you think, 'what's so grand about some silly math pick-up line?' MISS HONEY But the thing was, I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. Let alone getting the conversation going! and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for them. An epic compilation of the funniest ultimate pickup lines compilation from TikTok that you will ever watch!For the best TikTok compilations be sure to subscr. Matilda: I mean, what else? He takes it and squashes it firmly down onto his head. Stand out from the crowd! AAAHH! MISS TRUNCHBULL runs in, blowing on her whistle, and chases ERIC down until he is pulled into formation by two BIG KIDS. A little more bah-da, ba ba ba-da bom! That's not fair! They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible. It's a good thing I have my library. Excellent man. queens! Yes, sir. . MISS HONEY google_ad_host="pub-6693688277674466"; My skin looks just revolting in this foul, fluorescent light. 4 0 obj You'll be surprised at how well it works. . Aaaargh! Matilda's teacher? My name is Miss Honey. You're just wasting enerGy, Chew your food; you're an animal! The dumber the act, the bigger the confession. Matilda: [loses it, to Matilda] Suddenly, out came the Escapologist, dressed as usual in his tights and spangly costume. . One look at my face and it's plain to see. COUPLE 2 He always wears suits with loud plaid prints read analysis of Mr. Wormwood. Zinnia Wormwood: That was only the first part of your punishment. MR WORMWOOD MICHAEL sits on his lap. We give the Whisper Challenge a shot with a little spin on it. How can you be sure unless you have another PIECE? A model of a grand old house rolls in from the back of the stage. We don't want to burst a blood vessel on your first day. Hmm. And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, MATILDA RUDOLPHO If you took your time , CHILDREN Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation! Look. Matilda: [wielding a hammer throw] MISS HONEY "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". MISS TRUNCHBULL MATILDA's classmates enter hesitantly from the front of the stage. MISS HONEY MISS HONEY laughs and exits down the stairs at the front of the stage. Your genius husband is going to sell them one hundred and fifty five knackered old bangers as brand-new luxury cars. and astronauts! Or just a coincidence? MR WORMWOOD What do I have to do to gain respect around here? MATILDA MR WORMWOOD Gloria Magitum! Her father was a doctor, and he needed someone to look after things at home. You can be all cynical, Oh, Matilda, this is very sad! MISS TRUNCHBULL Sixteen times two is thirty-two. [She flicks on the light of the vanity in her parent's bathroom, which has risen from the stage. Cause I had to slow down to take a second look at you. Harry Wormwood: Yes, wonderful. And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! Why, why, why, why, why, why, why? I swear, I won't take our love for granite. MATILDA I hate pigtails! I can! Well it's hard for me to remember a specific cake. I didn't go to college. Narrator: [cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely. [Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby]. Last week, I read quite a few. MISS HONEY Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! When lights come up again, AMANDA is gone. Harry Wormwood: No! Me, me, me, me. And remember to be eXtremely careful. You'll fit it in. "You Must Be Worried Now That Donald Trump is President Because He Would Deport You Back to Heaven." MRS PHELPS screams and exits. Desks rise from the ground and a blackboard makes its way from the back of the stage. As of now, that's 1 line for each agent currently in the game. Where is the maggot known as Nigel? LAVENDER MISS HONEY faces the audience and raises her fist. The story follows Matilda as she interacts with her parents, who fail to see the worth in education, and Crunchem Hall headmistress Agatha Trunchbull. And people would come from miles around: kings! What was my profit for the day? A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder! Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please, you can! Who is this, babe? [walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror] DOCTOR All grown-ups get scared, just like children. A single slice, I mean, it's just not normal for a girl to be all . 3. . Parents wheeling strollers enter alongside their CHILDREN. MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] MISS TRUNCHBULL Right. Seven times two is fourteen. Soundtracks, hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda, after listing prices of cars bought and sold, he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda, Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves, Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby, mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone, everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in, strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward, whacks the desk again with her riding crop, Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house, grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist, suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand, Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. "There's more than one Whomping Willow at Hogwarts, you know.". Million $ Sticky Host: [suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand] The police decided he killed himself. My school is a model of discipline! Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids, reciting the words as Matilda magically writes them on the blackboard, to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts, He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is, to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers, speaking to Matilda about her and her father, accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water, Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it, Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull, snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover, appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob, after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers, Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to, she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up, she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely, she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her, Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart, throws carrot from the spoon. Used to compete in the Olympics, throwing the hammer! [She grabs a baton with a yellow ribbon attached to it and starts twirling to the music.] MISS TRUNCHBULL A contract is a contract is a contract! Matilda: Oh, no, you are not "full". Yes! And the 4th cost $1,100. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. The tiniest mite packs the mightiest sting. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me. MAN: Don't put honey on your brother. MISS TRUNCHBULL MAN: So hilarious. [asked to sign Matilda's adoption papers]. . Matilda, 4 Years: Harry Wormwood: To stand up and be proud! Don't be pathetic! Filthy, nasty things. I invite you to reply with your own cheesy agent pickup lines, as long as they aren't crossing the line of harassment (actually scrapped a Reyna line for that reason). MATILDA Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it! Yes. Harry Wormwood: She puts it down on the desk behind BRUCE. MR WORMWOOD, towel wrapped about his shoulder, enters the bathroom with MICHAEL. What've you done with his fingie? Harry Wormwood: Well, I suppose your mother will be waiting for you. . celebrities! Get on with it. She uses the umbrella to bring down the hat and starts lining it with glue.]. Harry Wormwood: . One look at my face and it's plain to see. "Patience, my love," the husband replied. Claiming that they know stuff we don't know. Zinnia Wormwood: MISS TRUNCHBULL's office, complete with her in a high-backed chair (facing the back of the stage) is wheeled in. Come on!] An idiot? [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.]