1. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Basketball is a sport for black men. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Boo who? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. All lip, no hole. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? I've got some good news. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. In case he got a hole in one! A fan in the crowd said Mr. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Their fore-fathers! We have a threesome, care to join us? -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; How do you know you should be a golfer? Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Dirty Golf Sayings. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Two rounds a day are plenty. Keep your sense of humor. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Because he walked into the wrong club! What do golf and sex share in common? The battle that raged inside each players head. 8. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. You swing left and the ball goes right. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. P.G. Whos there? Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Golf is a lot like life. The guys who come How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? When your golf cart capsizes. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. He said. Besides that, I love to explore. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Your email address will not be published. 1. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Nuts! Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. At the golf corpse! I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Look at the size of his putter. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. happen again! Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. He was puttering around. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? You are signed up for our newsletter! With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Which is the easiest golf stroke? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? So, what are your thoughts? Nay! Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. He said. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. It can be difficult. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Wodehouse, 31. PG Wodehouse. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". No, but I'm willing to screw in them. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); 3. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. ", Play golf. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Wanna be my caddy? The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. It bends a little to the left. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Do you share these funny golf jokes? Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Sir W.G. Required fields are marked *. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Your fifth putt. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Why did the golfer have to change his socks? It can be rewarding. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. Its almost a law. Wash your balls. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Keep your head down. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Your email address will not be published. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. He was perfecting his swing. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Whos there? The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Are you a water hazard? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Putter Around. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! They expect to succeed! When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. A great shot is when you pull it off. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. I'm pretty good with my short putts. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. 2. I give the ball some sweet talk. Sunday Service. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Please add a link to this article. 7. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Why a carrot as a logo? The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Achieve more with each and every round you play. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. 9. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? I stepped on a rake. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Photo: Shutterstock. 2. And that thought is: Dont think. . Where is the best place to go on vacation? Because her coach was a pumpkin. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. -Happy Gilmore. All the fans are gone! Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. The fourth putt! "I'm the best. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. You hit down to make the ball go up. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. 2. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Chip Shot. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. I am a Musician. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Tahiti who? The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Because they might get a slice. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. -Lee Trevino There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Dont even putt. 4. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. How many strokes was that? Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. If we . See you in the Email! "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. I was off to-day! Just in case they get a slice! Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Im the best. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. ~ Victor Hugo. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. 5. 20. The threesome were curious what was going on. Your email address will not be published. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Oh my God, what have I just said?". Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Man: Please dont go. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Whos there? Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? I like big putts and I cannot lie. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. 22. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. They dont have the heart for it. Andy who? Whats the difference between golf and sex? One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. 4. The other 20. Is everything okay?. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Many golfing terms sound naughty. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Intercourse! I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Whos there? Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Always keep learning. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. What is a golfers favorite bird? A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Their expectation, however, is very different. 8. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. P.G. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! 4. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. When is it too wet to play golf? In the Golf of Mexico! His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? Fore-get Me Nots. Damn, girl. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. They like cricket better. Its to move on. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Such is the game. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. It was glorious when you did! Everyday I'm Schauffele. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Do you know why the game is called golf? When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. 1. I'm Tiger Woods. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. On the Green In Two. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. He attacks it. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. 6. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be?
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